


See What I've Become

by KohGeek



Category: Zootopia (2016)
Genre: Denial, Detachment, Gen, POV First Person, Self-Control
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-05
Updated: 2016-09-05
Packaged: 2018-08-13 05:44:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7964716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KohGeek/pseuds/KohGeek
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The lesson of the Junior Ranger Scout's incident was harsh: 'Don't let them see that they get to you'. <br/>Nick would hold on to that guide when he meets a similarly heart-wrecking situation, one that threatens to tear his family apart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	See What I've Become

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Breathing](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7950778) by [lolzilean](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lolzilean/pseuds/lolzilean). 



> Recommended song - [The Way](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nco7qfrPG7I) by Zack Hemsey  
> The title is also a song from the same artist, but it didn't fit well, but check it out anyway.

Pay attention to your surroundings. Raise your ears. Note that she’s crying again.

You don’t panic, don’t swear, not even inside your heart. Close your eyes. Just breathe and calm down. Open your eyes. Pace around while she’s not looking, get all the other thoughts out of the way, and focus on the current scenario.

Take a breath again. Confront her.

She’s crying very hard, and she’s lying on the floor. You can see the tear streaks. Tell yourself it’s okay, and it’s normal. Breathe. Look at her, then look away. Don’t attach yourself to her.

Sit in front of her. Hold her up and comfort her. Tell her it’s okay. Tell her to cry. She will ask if she bothers you. No matter what you feel, say no. Let her hug you, and return the hug. If she wants to look at you, have some eye contact. A little is enough, there’s no need for too much of it.

Breathe.

She will start to whine about how terrible her life is, and she will tell you how much she wants to die. Listen, but don’t pay attention. Nod at times. You will need to feign sadness but don’t take in any of the info. Don’t let it get to you.

Breathe.

Stand up, get a handkerchief, then re-approach her. Wipe away her tears. Look at her. She will continue to cry. Ask her if she wants water. Bring her water regardless of her answer. Sit back down. She will say sorry. Tell her it’s okay, again.

Meanwhile, think. Think how your family has descended into this mess. Think how your mum got into this dilemma. Think how you could help, even though you have tried everything.

If she starts to sleep, good. If she doesn’t, sit until she starts to get drowsy. After that, bring her blankets and pillow. Allow her to sleep peacefully without any interruption.

Breathe.

Get back to work.

In 2 hours, she will wake up and call someone. You know who he is. You do not care, but you will listen in. You hear the quarrels and anger. The pent up rage and grief.

Your mother will start blaming herself. She will now hang up her phone and sulk in a corner.

Breathe.

Approach your mother once again. She will want to leave. She will leave. Don’t stop her. Don’t force her. Don’t feel anything. Tell yourself she is not your mother at this moment.

She will proceed to pack up. Don’t help her. Don’t look at her. Don’t say anything unless prompted. She says she will take care of you. Nod. She says she didn’t want to leave you. Nod again. Whatever she says, reply affirmatively.

Breathe.

She leaves, but not without crying. Show no emotion. Stuff a handkerchief into her hands. Say thanks, and send her on her way. She will look, but don’t look back. Don’t let them see that they get to you.

In the next 15 minutes, your father will arrive in his suit. He will meet with your mother. Your mother will calm down and talk to him.

Your job here is done. Go back to your room. Lock the door, and don’t think of the event anymore.

There will be quarrels, even fights. She might find ways to slash her wrists. He might break things around the house. When you come out of the room again, the house will be disorganised, there will be blood everywhere.

But you will not care.

Tell yourself you are not hurt. That you simply don’t feel anything.

Tell yourself they are not your family, and close your eyes again.

Breathe.

Open your eyes. You steel yourself if it ever happens again.

Get back to work.

**Author's Note:**

> This part of the fic is set during Nick's teenage years. His mother would have remarried, unfortunately, to the wrong person.
> 
> [Tumblr](https://kohgeek.tumblr.com)


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